"I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know."

1880?-1946
Comedy is a serious business...

Desculpem voltar ao mesmo. Mas relembrar a Mae sem recordar o W. C Fields é imoral.
Passemos às minha citações favoritas.

"Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!"(Fields' response after someone "spiked" his drink with fruit juice.)(* page 242)
(Also quoted as:)"What rascal has been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice?"

Charlie McCarthy:
"Say, Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?"
WC: "He'd think I was a sissy."


"I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast."

"I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach"

"Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water."
(Life magazine, Jan. 6, 1947.)

(In response to a waiter who'd offered him a "Bromo Seltzer" for a hangover, Fields said:)"Ye Gods, no! I couldn't stand the noise."(Quoted in 2,500 Anecdotes for all Occasions edited by Edmund Fuller, 1980, Avenel Books, NY.)
(This also turned up in Never Give a Sucker an Even Break in this exchange:)Flight attendant: "Should I get you a bromo?"WC: "No. I couldn't stand the noise."

"Sleep...the most beautiful experience in life--except drink."(My Little Chickadee.)

"What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an ax."
(Movie line, quoted in Who's Who in Comedy by Ronald L. Smith, page 161.)

"I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad."

(To the question: Do married people live longer?--Fields responded:) "No, it just seems longer."

E dedicado especialmente à Errezinha, que está ali desvairadamente a encher-se de água para uma ecografia:

I don't drink water. Fish poop in it.

Water rusts pipes." was also a reason he gave for not drinking it.

:P